Ship of the Week: USS Archerfish (SS-331)

Submarines are ships too. They are narrow, cramped, long, penis-shaped ships who's job is to shove similarly penis-shaped objects into other ships, exploding dramatically into a hole that then destroys the other ships.

I've been reading too much feminist literature. Everything is a penis now.

Anyway, this is about one of the most famous submarines in naval history. Like many other famous vessels, this ship had a long and distinguished career, but had one action that really made it stand out - one of the greatest submarine actions in American history. We're talking about:

USS Archerfish (SS-331)



Archerfish was one of 128 Balao-class submarines built by the United States Navy during World War II. The Balao-class vessels provided the bulk of the work done by the USN in the submarine war against Japan, and was very closely related to the preceding Gato-class ships. Like the rest of the ships in her class, Archerfish displaced around 1500 tons on the surface, was around 100 metres long, and could rip along at a stately 20 knots while surfaced. 10 torpedo tubes could deliver 24 torpedoes during one cruise.

Like many submarines, Archerfishstarted her war in 1943, and wasn't particularly notable right away. She had a few failed attacks and rescued the life of a downed naval aviator during air attacks on Iwo Jima. So, a fairly boring and basic life for a submarine.

That all changed on 28 November, 1944. Archerfish was stationed off Tokyo Bay as a recovery craft for B-29 crew from airplanes shot down or damaged over Japan. However, on that day, there were to be no B-29 raids. However, a large ship was spotted leaving Tokyo Bay - probably a tanker. Archerfish was given license to pursue the ship.

Upon reaching station, Commander Joe Enright, in charge of Archerfish, realized that the ship was not a tanker at all, but instead an aircraft carrier. He tracked the ship carefully, and the carrier turned into Archerfish's path. Enright prepared a spread of six torpedoes, to run shallow to hopefully capsize the top-heavy enemy ship.

Four of the torpedos hit, and Archerfish could hear the enemy vessel making breaking noises as she dove away from the scene of the attack. One of the enemy's escorts pursued the US sub, attacking it with depth charges. However, Archerfish survived, and was hailed as a hero. Enright won the Navy Cross - and Archerfish herself won the Presidential Unit Citation.

Turns out the ship the Archerfish sank was the Shinano, a Yamato-class battleship that had been converted into an aircraft carrier secretly by the Japanese, and was capable of carrying like 160 airplanes. She displaced 72,000 tons, and thus was the largest ship ever sunk by submarine.

Shinano was a rush conversion, and design flaws contributed greatly to Archerfish's ability to send her to the bottom. In addition, the damage was originally presumed to be minor; Shinano was able to continue steaming. But the ship's watertight doors weren't quite watertight - some theories have said that they failed to close due to incompleteness. In addition, the crew of Shinano was a skeleton crew, moving the ship to where her finishing touches would be added, and not very experienced in fighting floods.

She stayed up for 4 hours, then capsized and sank.

Archerfish served after the war, in the role of an attack submarine, and a research boat after the advent of the nuclear sub. She was finally retired in May of 1968 after 25 years of service in the United States Navy. She was then sunk as a target. In addition to her Presidential Unit Citation, Archerfish received seven battle stars - often as the role of lifeguard for US airplanes. But she will forever be remembered for her role in striking down desperate Japan's one last great weapon for making war.

Ship of the Week: The Golden Hind

Today's Ship of the Week was a sailing ship originally called the Pelican, that set out in 1577 to circumnavigate the globe. Led by the incredible captain and privateer (and future Dude of the Week) Francis Drake, the Pelican would take some millions of pounds stirling worth of gold bullion from heavily-laden Spanish galleons during her trip around the world. As Drake passed through the Straits of Magellan, he renamed the Pelican to her rather more famous name:

The Golden Hind



The Golden Hind was the galleon that Drake took around the world on the behest of Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth I, with the purpose of proving the ability of the English to do so; in addition, Drake was authorized to pirate any and all Spanish vessels he could find. Drake's famous circumnavigation was not an easy task, but0 the Golden Hind found herself up to the task.

Drake and company set out with five ships, the Pelican leading, in December of 1577, with the goal of raiding the here-to-invulnerable Pacific coast of the Americas, where Spanish ships trucked about silver and gold with impunity. Their first victory was over the Santa Maria, a Portugese ship, off the Cape Verde islands. Drake had to scuttle or burn three of his ships by the time he reached Argentina; rot and loss of crew had taken its toll.

As the smaller convoy crossed the Straits of Magellan, Drake rechristened Pelican as the Golden Hind, in a dramatic gesture meant to appease his sponsor, Sir Christopher Hattin, who's coat of arms had a hind of gold upon it (hind is medieval English for doe). Then he was through to the Pacific, and it was time to get down to business.

Basically, Drake and the Hind kicked ass all the way up the Pacific coast. Remember, no pirate had struck the Spanish on the west coast of the Americas, so they thought they were pretty much immune there, using the west coast to ship from Peru and Mexico, towards Panama, where they'd hike over the isthmus, and hook a ship to Spain. So, they probably shit their pants when they saw the Golden Hind coming for them.

The Hind took a few ships, and got tens of thousands of pesos of Spanish gold, but most importantly, they captured a ship named Nuestra Señora de la Concepción. Sure, this ship was full of gold and stuff, but more importantly - it was full of 26 tons of silver from the Far East. The Spanish had been sneaking across the Pacific and trading in the area that was specifically set aside for the Portuguese. This would start a war between Spain and Portugal, and would embarrass Phillip II of Spain and make him look like a dick.

The Hind served well, taking Drake and co. up to the west coast of what is now the USA, which he named "Nova Albion". They then sailed across the Pacific and had a fairly boring journey home. I assume they spent the time swimming in the gold and silver in the hold, Scrooge McDuck style. Sure, only like 57 of Drake's men returned, but a legend was born - and those who invested in Drake's adventure got a return of £47 for every £1 invested.

Ship of the Week: HMCS Halifax

Today's ship of the week is a more personal mention for me. This ship was launched when I was four years old, and commissioned when I was eight - I was there for the latter ceremony. She isn't a flagship, nor historically significant (not yet), but she is one of the best frigates in the world, pound-for-pound. This is the ship that took my father to war after September 11th, 2001 changed the world forever:

HMCS Halifax



Her Majesty's Canadian Ship Halifax was commissioned on 29 June, 1992. I was seven years old at the time, and she was absolutely gorgeous. I'll never forget seeing this particular ship for the first time, complete, flying all the semaphore flags and the Maple Leaf and the Canadian Naval Ensign snapping in the brisk breeze, and 230 men in their dress whites aboard. If I could scan dad's wall, I'd show you, but he's like...in Ottawa or something.

Halifax was the first of her class of twelve commissioned between 1992 and 1996 and that are now around halfway through their service life. As a modern ASW vessel, Halifax has performed a vital role in any number of NATO fleets over the last 17 years. As an anti-air weapons platform she is well-armed with sixteen Sea Sparrow anti-air missiles and a Phalanx cannon (which I have played with!), though it's not her primary function. Halifax (and all ships of her class) embark a CH-124 Sea King flying wreck.



Hey, that's no helicopter! It's 10,000 parts flying in loose formation!

Since being launched, Halifax has been at the head of her class in performance. She's been called on in every major operation we've done since then, including Operation Apollo, Canada's contribution to Operation Enduring Freedom in 2001 (I hate those cheesy US names). Dad's served on her twice - once as Commissioning Crew, and once from 2000-2003ish, and he was overseas with a NATO task force when the Twin Towers were struck on 9/11, and deployed to the Persian Gulf immediately.

Halifax is a fine ship. I've been on her, so I can say with some accuracy that she sails smoothly. Her engines are one of the first combined diesel or gas turbine systems with Integrated Machinery Control. This computer-controlled mixture device is now standard on Arleigh Burke-class ships in the USN and stands to be NATO standard in all modern fossil fuel-powered warships. Halifax makes thirty knots as her official full speed, but I am quite sure she can develop a fair bit more.

The Halifax-class ships are designed to last at least 30 years; the first refit will last the Halifax through till around 2023, and it is entirely possible that the versatile ship will be extended for another 20 years. I think she is majestic in the Canadian manner - she's quiet and doesn't drip of power like an American carrier or cruiser, but she looks competent. Halifax is a ship you call on to get the job done.



Beautiful.

Ship of the Week: HMS Hood

No ship was larger when she was launched; since then only a handful have ever superseded her. She had the speed of a cruiser, and the armament and armour of a battleship. She was tougher than a battlecruiser, and she sank in her only engagement on the high seas. She was the HMS Hood, pride of the Royal Navy, who blew up and died battling the Bismarck in one of the last battleship vs. battleship battles ever fought.

HMS Hood



Hood was the first of four planned Admiral-class battlecruisers commissioned by the Royal Navy during World War 1, designed to counter the Mackensen-class German battlecruisers being launched in Germany. However, only Hood was completed; the other ships of her class were broken up, as the Mackensen-class was never completed. Despite this, Hood quickly became the jewel of the Royal Navy.

Named for Admiral Samuel Hood, HMS Hood was the largest ship in the world when she was launched, and held that record until her future nemesis Bismarck was launched. She remains the longest ship to ever serve in the Royal Navy; her length and her low, sleek superstructure gave her a graceful, fast look. Her prime armament was eight 15" guns capable of a broadside weight of 15,360 lbs with a preferred armament of armour-piercing shells, and she had around four dozen supporting batteries in secondary, and tertiary mounts.

Hood had thick armour for a battlecruiser; many battlecruisers bore an armour belt of around 8" - proof against a cruiser's guns, but not a battleship's. However, Hood had 12" of protection in her prime belt, giving her additional resilience. The armour was one of the first arranged after the individual ship disasters that occurred at Jutland; the vertical and horizontal belts didn't necessarily work together and provide adequate protection from all angles, and future developments (additional torpedo rooms that were later removed, new magazines) weren't intended, but occurred. Eventually, this poorly-designed armour would lead to Hood's fate.

Despite her status as a battlecruiser, given her increased armament and her thicker armour, she was more of a fast battleship. Hood's engines were incredibly powerful, and she could develop 31 knots on two turbines totalling 113 megawatts of work (approximately three times the potential work of a Saturn V rocket's first stage). This speed, the heavy (for the time) armament, and the general beauty of the vessel led to her being known as the "pride of the Royal Navy".



In this role, Hood took on a greater job in the public relations department. She would visit various ports-of-call and host tours, or moor for festivals. Such a job kept her working almost constantly - in the end, she barely had time for refits, even in the leadup to World War II.

Hood was kept in service following the outbreak of hostilities in 1939. She saw her first action when attacking the French fleet at Oran, developing heavy fire against the French ships there, to deny them from falling into German hands. Italians ran a bombing mission against her, and she shot down one of their bombers. But overall, Hood had a quiet first two years of war. She returned to Scapa Flow and moored with the Prince of Wales as part of the Home Fleet.

When Bismarck and Prinz Eugen made their famous sorteé, Hood and Prince of Wales were immediately dispatched to intercept. Prince of Wales was the newest ship in the Royal Navy, and the Hood was generally considered the best ship. They intercepted the Bismarck on the 24th of May in the Denmark Strait.

The battle was quick and fierce. Hood engaged for eight minutes, but due to the way Hood and Prince of Wales approached, neither ship could bring all of their gun batteries to bear on the German ships, while both Prinz Eugen and Bismarck had free reign. In addition, the Hood (with her suspect armour) was in the van, and she became the natural target for both German vessels.

While attempting to turn to engage the Germans with all guns, Hood was straddled by a volley from Bismarck. There was a gout of flame and the Hood exploded, breaking in two. At the time, it was assumed the Germans snuck a shell into one of the stores of cordite, but later examination of the wreck suggests a 4-inch battery blew up, igniting the main fuel line that caused a fuel tank to blow. Regardless, the Hood sank in three minutes - with only three survivors.

It was a shocking blow to the Royal Navy, as one of her finest and most famous ships was suddenly, completely gone; Prince of Wales was badly damaged. The entire Royal Navy set off in pursuit of the Bismarck, and she was sank some days later. But the loss of the Hood left a stain on the Royal Navy's record that would not be expunged.

Ship of the Week: The USS Enterprise (CVN-65)!

Welcome to another new segment. I might add a third one in the "of the Week" series. Hell, I could add more than one. I don't know, writing these gives me something to do at work. This is the "Ship of the Week", where I will discuss ships of both military and civilian variety that have been important, or are also just awesome. The first entry is both. Ladies and gentlemen:

The USS Enterprise (CVN-65)



The Enterprise-class USS Enterprise is the world's first nuclear-powered aircraft carrier. Commissioned on the 25th of November, 1961, Enterprise is also the oldest ship in the United States Navy, surpassing the Kitty Hawk when that conventionally-powered carrier retired. She displaces a whopping 93,000 tons, making her the eleventh-largest ship in the world (after the ten Nimitz-class ships).

Let's talk about the awesome of Enterprise. Sure, she's the first nuclear-powered carrier. But what does that mean? Well, nobody was sure exactly how powerful a nuclear-powered carrier would be, so what the US Navy did was take the plans for a conventional carrier, make it bigger, pull out the usual turbine engines and replace them with nuclear reactors. All eight of them. That's right, Enterprise has EIGHT fucking NUCLEAR REACTORS in her guts. To give you an idea how unnecessary that is, the Nimitz-class ships only have two nuclear reactors.

No wonder they call her the Mobile Chernobyl.

The Enterprise's namesake was CV-6, the Yorktown-class carrier also named Enterprise that was one of the most storied ships in the history of the United States Navy. CV-6 participated in the Pacific War from Pearl Harbor to Okinawa, and had 20 battle stars for combat service. Like CV-6, CVN-65 has been in every fight the USA has been in - from the Cuban Missile Crisis to the Iraq War. CV-6's nickname has also been passed on to her descendant: The Big E.

The Big E=MC^2!



Enterprise has deployed many types of airplanes over the past few years, but for most of her career has deployed the Grumman F-14 Tomcat. The Tomcat was recently retired (Negative, Ghostrider, the pattern is full), and Enterprise now deploys F/A-18s as her major fighter type. She will be re-deployed by the end of 2009 for her last five year mission.

Enterprise's services with the United States Navy is scheduled to end upon the introduction of the Gerald R. Ford to the fleet circa 2015, though some Navy personnel feel she should be retired earlier. Regardless, Enterprise's history suggests her to be the most important warship of the post World War II era. No other vessel has seen the history she has, delivered as many combat sorteés, embarked as many personnel, or gone nearly as far. Enterprise tracked John Glenn and she struck Baghdad; she fought the North Vietnamese and struck Libya; after September 11th, Enterprise was on the way home, but booked it back to the Middle East without orders, going so fast the 40 year old girl left all her modern escorts behind. She's got it, that certain majesty that any great ship has. When she is retired in 2015, it will be a great loss to the USN, and to the world. I hope she is made into a museum ship, so that her grandeur is not lost to the ages.



While I'm at it...

What the fuck is up with the names of US carriers recently? Let's look at these names.

Historically, the USN gave their carriers awesome names. The carriers that started World War II, for instance, were named Lexington, Saratoga, Yorktown, Enterprise, Ranger, Wasp, and Hornet. During World War II, they came out with the Essex, the Bunker Hill, the Intrepid, the Antietam. After WWII, they had the Midway, the Coral Sea, the Independence, the Kitty Hawk, the Constellation. Even the nuclear carriers had great names: Nimitz, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Theodore Roosevelt, Abraham Lincoln.

But now they have just taken a bloody turn for the worse. The USS Gerald R. fucking Ford?! Really? Sure, Jerry Ford was a Navy man, but he was not, absolutely was not, a good president. Save for the George H.W. Bush and (I would argue) the Ronald Reagan, all carriers named for a president were named for a damn good one - FDR, TR, Abe, George, JFK, Ike, Truman. Does Jerry Ford belong in that list? FUCK no.

USN, I implore you, bring back the good names. Hornet, Wasp, Saratoga, Ranger, Independence. Names that tell the world "The United States fucking Navy is here, and if you piss us off, we're going to send the goddamn Intrepid to bootfuck you. Bitch." The opportunity is there. Stop picking these presidential partisan names. How long till the GOP chooses the Ulysses S Grant, or the Democrats choose James Buchanan? Seriously, Gerald Ford? Blow me.

I want another Enterprise.